What Driscoll Is to Bullying, Rachel Evans Is To Kitsch

This is a joke. Rachel Evans, whose claim to fame has been chastising Mark Driscoll for being a bully (the horror!), is writing a new book. It’s tentatively titled “The Quest for Biblical Womanhood.” Evans explains below:

Starting October 1, 2010, I will commit one year of my life to following all of the Bible’s instructions for women as literally as possible. From the Old Testament to the New Testament, from Genesis to Revelation, from the Levitical code to the letters of Paul, there’s no picking and choosing. (Well, except for polygamy…and a few other things that I’ll tell you about later.)

This means, among other things,  rising before dawn each day (Proverbs 31:15), submitting to my husband (Colossians 3:18), growing out my hair (1 Corinthians 11:15), making my own clothes, (Proverbs 31:22),  learning how to cook (Titus 2:3-5), covering my head when in prayer (1 Corinthians 11:5), calling Dan “master” (1 Peter 3:5-6), caring for the poor (Proverbs 31:25), nurturing a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4), and camping out in the backyard for the duration of my monthly period (Leviticus 15:19-33).

This looks brilliant. Just what we need: another evangelical masochist parading her doubts and embarrassment of Scripture before a watching world. Maybe if she’s lucky the Huffington Post will let her write a blog post from time to time about what she hates about the religious right! Ooooh, how missional! But this isn’t even what burns me up the most about Evans. Does this project sound familiar in anyway? Hmmmm …. oh right. This is an exact rip off of A.J. Jacob’s A Year of Living Biblically. If you’re not familiar with Jacobs, he spent a year trying to follow the Bible as literally as possible. That sounds eerily familiar to Evans “womanhood project.” Evans realizes this when she writes:

Think of it as John Piper meets Martha Stewart meets Julie & Julia meets A Year of Living Biblically. Just enough crazy to interest everyone.

Julia & Julia meets A Year of Living Biblically? This is A Year of Living Biblically. Elsewhere, Evans realizes this and says she wanted to “comment on the contemporary biblical womanhood movement in a fresh way.” A fresh way? No, dear. This was fresh when Jacobs did it. What Evans has done is the equivalent of what the dumbasses at Cactus Game Design Co. did when they copied the award winning board game, Settlers of Cataan with their Christianized Settlers of Canaan. Way to go Rachel. You’re up there with Testamints and other great episodes in evangelical kitsch.

To paraphrase Doug Wilson, evangelicals (even those on the left) are desperate to imitate what the secular world does. But the problem is that the secularists are pretty far down the road and are going pretty fast. And so we chase after them, our fat little evangelical thighs chafing together, whining under our breath because they don’t wait up.

Well I’ve got to go. I’m working on a Christian version of Youtube called …… oh wait …. dammit.